My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
