Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
