Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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