just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Randomize
