I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
