Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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