if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Boobs speak an international language.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Randomize
