The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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