How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
