how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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