Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
