did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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