Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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