Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
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