It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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