Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize