i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
