just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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