Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
