it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I still have a little drunk in my system
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
