what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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