With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
