I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
There r osticjed everywhere
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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