Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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