so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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