god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
