Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
