So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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