Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
two words: eviction party
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
