You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
