Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize