If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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