My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
