I just saw a hot homeless man
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
