His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
