I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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