this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
