i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
