His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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