Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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