Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Randomize
