Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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