thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
