i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
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