Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
