I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
