Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
