I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
