I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
