So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
