I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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