He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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