Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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