Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
