I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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