i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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