two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
