i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
