No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
