I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
