She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Randomize
