never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
