But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
