Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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