One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
