I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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