haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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