I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
