Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize