you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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