I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
