I'm so fucking centered right now
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
