I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
