Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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