Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
my nose is crying tears of wow.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
