i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
