I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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