Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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