Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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