He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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