i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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