please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
