We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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