She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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