My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I believe in your delicious
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
