I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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